Humor

"Strictest gun control laws in the US."

There's a blogmeme going around wherein bloggers discuss what they keep on their nightstands.  It looks like it started over at Hell in a Handbasket, and now that I'm back from my extended hiatus, I might as well join in.  So, here's what I've got:

1. Far too much paperwork, because there is no other convenient place for it at the moment.
2. A large flashlight, suitable for use as a club.
3. Whatever book I have been reading lately; today, that's A Storm of Swords.
4. A desk lamp, for reading the aforementioned.
5. An alarm clock, for getting up in the morning.  These days, the sun coming in my bedroom window usually wakes me before the alarm goes off.
   
6. For protection, I employ a formidable bodyguard, pictured below with his arsenal...

According to the NRA News radio program, David Hardy, from Of Arms & the Law, will "neither confirm nor deny" that he will be nominated for the vacant Supreme Court seat. 

(OK, I admit it, I laughed.)

UPDATE: Ginsberg and Stevens will resign today, to elope to Cancun.  Breyer will resign to co-star in a sequel to War of the Worlds...

I dunno.  I always thought Star Wars was fiction.  That's Lautenberg, BTW, the noted Democratic anti-gun statist from New Jersey, talking about filibusters.  It takes gall to equate a filibuster over judicial nominations with a genocidal dictatorship, even a fictional one.

Note: To the best of my knowledge, this is NOT a photoshop.

It seems someone at the CIA has a sense of humor.

No, it's not scary for the reason they want it to be scary. But it's still scary. Also sad. And a little funny. Mainly because they're actually serious.

Some of you will have seen the pictures from Kerry's recent trip goose hunting. If you haven't, Alphecca will get you up to speed. And now that you understand the background... witness the compelling testimony of the Swift Geese Veterans For Truth!

The ACLU has a really good animation up about privacy and pizza delivery. (No, really). It's not directed at anything specific, just privacy in general. It's both hilarious and terrifying -- watch it yourself and send it to your friends. They'll get the point, and they'll be more willing to listen the next time.

Just go read.

He wears a baby-blue spandex jumpsuit and shiny gold panties, gloves, cape, boots and goggles. He wields a giant, metal-cutting circular power saw. Who is Angle Grinder Man? He is Britain's self-styled "first wheel-clamp and speed camera vigilante cum subversive superhero philanthropist entertainer type person." That's who. For those not familiar with industrial machine tools, an angle grinder is the saw best suited to cutting through plates of steel, such as, say, the wheel clamps that authorities use to immobilize illegally parked cars in London. And Angle Grinder Man offers his "free clamp-removal service" to "all good, decent law-unabiding people" who would rather fight back than pay to have their cars released. All a clamped motorist has to do is call AGM's hotline and out comes the roadside rescue superhero to saw through the brace and release the car.

British newspapers love him. Taxi drivers are talking about him. And apparently he is for real.

Now this... THIS is the way to resist an oppressive government!

I found this link (or rather, was pointed to it by a friend) through the process of visiting Google, entering "Weapons of Mass Destruction" in the search, and clicking the button labeled "I'm Feeling Lucky" (which takes you to the top-ranked google search result directly). The link in the headline will take you to that page. It's well worth it.

A joint task force of federal agents and state police raided the home of a Santa Monica man Saturday, uncovering an arsenal of illegal books and other media. "It's astounding," said Police Chief John Lynch at a press conference Tuesday. "I've never seen so many books in my life. It was a virtual library." Chief Lynch described a entire room filled wall to wall with books and magazines. In one room officers discovered a computer, printer and thousands of pages of printing paper. The discovery of the computer-printer setup prompted evacuation of the neighborhood while EOD teams rendered the device inactive.

Guns are used in self-defense over 2 million times a year. However, this makes the attempted crime a "non-event," which necessarily complicates the Police investigation. Without civilian ownership of guns, these Police investigations would not have been compromised. Civilians should leave crime prevention to the Police, who are properly equipped to investigate following the crime's completion.

In a 9-3 decision, the Supreme Court ruled today in the case of United States of America vs. the Dixie Chicks that the Bill of Rights is unconstitutional. Writing for the majority, Justice Rehnquist made it clear that the court wasn't completely opposed to freedom of speech, religion, assembly, etc., but that the Bill of Rights as written was simply too vague and could, therefore, be used in the wrong way by people opposed to our democratic way of life.

Just discovered - one of the first attempts to ban evil 'Assault Muskets'!

Boston City Councilman Felix Arroyo, who opposes war in Iraq, announced in January that he was going on a hunger strike to protest U.S. policy. Arroyo said he would begin a liquid-only regimen, but then limited that to daylight hours (thus allowing himself dinner and, theoretically, breakfast), and later qualified that to mean that he would only adhere to this hardship diet on the second and fourth Fridays of each month. [Boston Globe, 1-30-03]

Columbine, John F. Kennedy, Ruby Ridge, the list of victims of gun violence could go on for pages, yet thanks to a Republican party completely in the pocket of the NRA lobby we have virtually no chance of taking our babies out of harm's way. While the blood of our children and our friends runs through the streets like so much water the Republicans do nothing but sit in their ivory towers counting money in a briefcase hand-delivered by Charlton Heston. The only way we can change this horrible situation is by voting for people who support gun legislation that gets the guns out of the hands of people who don't know how to use them and put them back in the hands of people who do; the police, the military, and my personal bodyguards. Remember that people don't kill people, guns break into your house and rape you and then shoot you.

Hilarious.

Image courtesy of www.hackwater.com.