You're on the Titanic. The lookout is screaming something about an
iceberg. Obama is captain, and he's meeting with the other ship's
officers to decide what to do. Watch change is coming up soon.
Lookout: "Iceberg! Iceberg!"
Huntsman: "Iceberg sounds sort of like Hindenberg, which was a German
airship. I speak German, you know."
Obama: "The Titanic is unsinkable. Get me the engine room, full power!
More quantitative easing!"
Romney: "Let me talk to the engine room. I used to work on steam engines, I can get us more steam."
Santorum: "Isn't that an iceberg? We should probably change course.
Say, do you think we have any gay passengers? I'm very concerned
about the influence a homosexual might have on the children. And people keep asking me about them, which seems ... sort of ... odd. Maybe they have reason to be concerned."
Bachman: "That does look like an iceberg. Do we have enough lifeboats
for me and my 28 foster children? Women and children are still first
when I'm captain."
Ron Paul: "We suck. We deserve to hit the iceberg."
Gary Johnson: "Can you hear me now? How about now?"
Perry: "Iceberg! Iceberg! I'm going to set a new course and tie myself
to the wheel to make sure we stick to it, if any of you idiots listen to
me. I don't care who's captain, so long as we miss the damn iceberg."
Newt: (on his cell phone) "Yes, air force? I need an airstrike, pronto,
on an iceberg at GPS coordinates xxxxxxyyyyyyyzzzzz... don't worry about
the civilian ship in the vicinity, as soon as I'm off the phone with you
I'll try to turn us around. It's your job to make sure there is no
iceberg if I can't... yes, yes, once I'm captain I'll authorize a
tactical nuke if necessary. And if they won't listen to me I've got a
date with a wrench in the engine room."
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